Something has been weighing on me and I feel the need to speak out.
I recently spoke to a good friend who told me about another woman we had been close friends with years before. She had run into her and found out that she had gotten divorced recently. This woman was feeling extremely sad and lonely and depressed, but most especially, abandoned. She had been part of a large group of friends who, apparently, weren’t very understanding about the divorce. They judged her. And they stopped including her in group activities.
My friend and I talked about how we understood what she was feeling and her sense of betrayal. My friend went through the same thing when she went through a divorce a few years ago. For me, it was when there was a shakeup in our church. I stayed with the old church and even worked in the office part time. Apparently that, along with the fact that my political leanings did not fall in line with theirs, was unacceptable. I was dumped. By a group of friends that I trusted.
It hurt. A lot.
I got over it, but I’m not as quick to trust now. I’m skeptical of people. My circle of friends is much smaller and I’m hesitant to let people get close to me.
Honestly, I don’t understand this. In all three instances, these were groups of women who prided themselves on being “good Christians.” In all other aspects of their lives they were kind and caring people.
How can someone – anyone – be so judgemental of other people? In the case of a divorce, you never know what was actually going on in the marriage or how toxic it really was. Even if you don’t approve of something someone has done…does that truly mean you can’t remain friends? Are people really this shallow?
I believe that we can disagree with one another and still love one another. I believe that part of being a friend is being loyal. I believe that we should treat others they way we would want to be treated ourselves. I believe there needs to be more love and tolerance in the world and less hate and less judging.
My heart weeps for anyone else this has happened to. It’s a horrible thing to experience.
From Merriam-Webster: Simple Definition of friendship
:the state of being friends : the relationship between friends
: a friendly feeling or attitude : kindness or help given to someone
That’s it. It’s simple. It shouldn’t, ever, be more complicated than that. If you’re friends with someone, be their friend. No matter what.
One thought on “Friendship”
I have a lot of friends from high school and college and a few I met during adulthood, but I have never had luck in groups. Even now, the “homeschool mom” group tends to be very clique-y and have almost I guess I would say a herd-mentality. One person says something and if they are thought to be an unofficial leader in the group, everyone follows what they say or agrees with them. I have had conversations where these women have said “Oh yes, I always do that, Love it,” and then the next day been in the group and had one of the Queen Bees say how they would NEVER do that and suddenly the woman who always did it and loved it now HATES it and has never done it. I just can’t deal with that.
And right now, Piper is going through a really ugly, nasty battle with a friend who she thought she could confide in and turns out, that friend turned on her and is now making it as though Piper is the wrong one. I have read through all the texts and I just don’t see it. I’ve told Piper I just think this girl wants drama – and sometimes I think that is what even adult women want, some women just love drama – I have told Piper she is better off without this girl as a friend.
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