This past week has flown by. I absolutely hate how fast this time has gone by. I have two more days with Paige before we load everything up in the cars and make the trek over to Tallahassee to get her settled into her tiny little dorm room.
It’s weird…I think Tim is fine. But I’m feeling, honestly, just a tiny bit panicky about leaving her there – in spite of our “practice run” for six weeks this summer. Maybe it’s because I’ve been through this before and know, no matter what, things will never be quite the same again. Oh, she’ll come home…and she has her bedroom and all her stuff here, but it just won’t be the same. And of course, there’s the fact that Paige is my “baby” and my buddy, and the constant worries about sexual assaults on college campuses and whether she is eating right and getting enough sleep…
When Clay left for college, I still had Paige at home (and also, the Chinese exchange student. But let’s not talk about that. 😏) This time, our nest is truly empty. For the first time in 21 years I will have time to myself, time to be “Lisa” instead of “Mom,” and I have absolutely no idea what to do with that. Honestly, I don’t even know anymore who I AM if I’m not “mom!”
For 21 years my life has been filled with taking care of these little human beings we brought into the world. From changing diapers to preschool and play dates to arranging birthday parties and sleepovers and then to driving them to gymnastics, soccer, ballet, Taekwondo. For many years, I was driving Paige 45 minutes to an hour, each way, to her dance lessons, 5 days a week…plus back and forth for rehearsals for various performances. I spent many, many weekends on the road driving with Clay to Taekwondo competitions around the state, and dance competitions with Paige. I nagged them about homework and about keeping their rooms clean and writing thank you notes and about brushing their teeth. I encouraged them to work hard and to read and to take challenging courses. I taught them to say sir and ma’am and please and thank you and to chew with their mouth closed and that if they couldn’t say anything nice, they shouldn’t say anything at all.
I had a full time job, being mom. And now, what? I’m retired?
This just feels weird.
And I feel weepy about that. I blame my hormones.
I have plans. I do. I want to take a photography class and also another stained glass class. Tim and I want to travel. And I will do all those things…as soon as I get this piece of dust out of my eye, and blow my nose…