Tag: sad

Empty Nest. For Real. 

This past week has flown by. I absolutely hate how fast this time has gone by. I have two more days with Paige before we load everything up in the cars and make the trek over to Tallahassee to get her settled into her tiny little dorm room. 

It’s weird…I think Tim is fine. But I’m feeling, honestly, just a tiny bit panicky about leaving her there – in spite of our “practice run” for six weeks this summer. Maybe it’s because I’ve been through this before and know, no matter what, things will never be quite the same again. Oh, she’ll come home…and she has her bedroom and all her stuff here, but it just won’t be the same. And of course, there’s the fact that Paige is my “baby” and my buddy, and the constant worries about sexual assaults on college campuses and whether she is eating right and getting enough sleep…

When Clay left for college, I still had Paige at home (and also, the Chinese exchange student. But let’s not talk about that. 😏) This time, our nest is truly empty. For the first time in 21 years I will have time to myself, time to be “Lisa” instead of “Mom,” and I have absolutely no idea what to do with that. Honestly, I don’t even know anymore who I AM if I’m not “mom!”

For 21 years my life has been filled with taking care of these little human beings we brought into the world. From changing diapers to preschool and play dates to arranging birthday parties and sleepovers and then to driving them to gymnastics, soccer, ballet, Taekwondo. For many years, I was driving Paige 45 minutes to an hour, each way, to her dance lessons, 5 days a week…plus back and forth for rehearsals for various performances. I spent many, many weekends on the road driving with Clay to Taekwondo competitions around the state, and dance competitions with Paige. I nagged them about homework and about keeping their rooms clean and writing thank you notes and about brushing their teeth. I encouraged them to work hard and to read and to take challenging courses. I taught them to say sir and ma’am and please and thank you and to chew with their mouth closed and that if they couldn’t say anything nice, they shouldn’t say anything at all. 

I had a full time job, being mom. And now, what? I’m retired?

This just feels weird. 

And I feel weepy about that. I blame my hormones. 

I have plans. I do. I want to take a photography class and also another stained glass class. Tim and I want to travel. And I will do all those things…as soon as I get this piece of dust out of my eye, and blow my nose…

   
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
 

    
    
 

Posted on by vkfamily 2

Happiness and sadness

It’s that time of year where time seems to speed up and life becomes a whirlwind of activities as we head into the final few days of the school year. This year seems even more hectic than usual since our youngest will be graduating high school in (gasp!) a little over a week and shortly after that we will be moving. This past week was especially busy. 

P had her Senior Prom, and I realize that I’m quite biased but I thought she looked beautiful. 

  
     
          

The summer C turned 10, he wanted a pet of his very own. He got Buddy that summer and they’ve been inseparable ever since. Buddy was fearless – he dominated every pet we ever had and talked smack to the Eagles and Ospreys whenever they were flying around (safely from inside his cage of course. Buddy was no dummy.) 

   
     

Buddy was a pretty bird. He told everyone he was a pretty bird (“Buddy is a pretty bird!”) all day, every day. Over and over again. Of course, he was also very good for an old, overweight, mom’s self-esteem since he also knew how -and when- to wolf whistle. Which, obviously, was whenever I walked past his cage. Have I mentioned how much I loved that silly bird?

   
   

But Buddy was C’s constant companion. If C was home, Buddy was on his shoulder, chirping and talking into his ear. He watched old war movies with “his” boy and learned how to make machine gun sounds. He listened to Eminem and Taylor Swift and he could dance like a crazy fool. 

   
     

Buddy was C’s best friend, his buddy. He was just…always there. And then, he wasn’t. Sadly, we had to say goodbye to Buddy this week. It was difficult for all of us because that silly little bird had wiggled his way into our hearts, but it was heartbreaking for C. 

Buddy was a faithful, brave, cheerful companion. We loved him. And we will miss him. Rest in peace, sweet little bird. 

  
High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air. . . .
Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or ever eagle flew —
And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

— John Gillespie Magee, Jr

  

Posted on by vkfamily 2